Some people see dating after divorce as an opportunity to explore the variety of sexual partners now available to them. In these situations, the only pre-requisite for sex may be that both partners find each other attractive (and possibly, convenient). Even if the sex is good, it’s absolutely no promise that the person will even wish to see you again.
Take some time to consider your own feelings about sex.Do you want to have sex simply for pleasure or does it have deeper meaning for you? If having sex means you start to care for the person and expect that in return, you should wait until that is well established.
Also, keep in mind that “sex” doesn’t have to mean actual intercourse. It can be delightful teasing touches, outercourse (touching and rubbing fully clothed), or erotic massage, or it might mean sexting and phone sex.
What would I need to make me feel safe in a sexual encounter?
While everyone will answer this question differently, at the very least, you should consider whether you have enough information about your date to ensure that they are who they say they are. You may want to wait to have sex for a number of dates to get enough information to put you at ease. Also, both partners need to be clear about their consent to have sex.
There’s also sexual health to consider: Have you discussed with your date their health history of STD’s as well as revealed your own? Is he/you willing to wear a condom? A condom is an absolute necessity today as unfortunately, sometimes people lie about their conditions and or don’t know that they are carriers of an STD.
Would I find early relationship sex to be hot – or not?
Sometimes sex very early in a relationship sex is super hot – since we don’t care about what that person thinks of us, we let go of our inhibitions and the result is fireworks. But not always. For many men, the anxiety of a first experience with a new partner causes premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. And for women, even those who normally orgasm easily, first-time sex with a new and unfamiliar partner may mean her arousal is lower and orgasm non-existent.
Fortunately or unfortunately, good or bad early sex doesn’t seem to have any bearing on future sexual compatibility (though, certainly, a person who doesn’t care about your pleasure should be ruled out).
Finally, keep in mind that great sex for the long-haul is a function of being emotionally open, feeling safe to take erotic risks, and knowledge of your partner’s and your own body. These characteristics take time to cultivate.